Not Important
by Lavenderangel
Summary: Spencer struggles between the little girl she’s always been and the person she thinks she wants to be. Set after Put out or Get Out. Complete.


Title: Not Important Author: Lauren Pairing: Hinting at Spencer/Ashley Rating: G to PG Summary: Spencer struggles between the little girl she's always been and the person she thinks she wants to be. Set after Put out or Get Out. Complete.  
Author's notes: First SoN fic, and unbeta'd at that. I tried to do a metaphor with the pajamas, but I think I killed that and they were just kind of overused. You'll see what I mean when you read. Anyway, sorry for OOCness and possibly lame writing, I tried. I'll get better. Maybe it's the fluff, I'm not good at it. Anyway, feedback is my proverbial chicken soup, so gimmie. Oh, and yay for there being a South of Nowhere section:D Disclaimer: The characters within do not, and never will, belong to me in anyway.

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An hour after she's said good night to Ashley, she still can't sleep. 15 minutes later, an hour after she'd said good night to Clay and her parents she's tossing restlessly. Glen gets home what Spencer thinks is a half an hour after this, but she's not positive.

When she's sure he's asleep and she's nowhere near that point, she gives up. Gets out of bed in the little girl pajamas that she used to feel comfortable in. Because they represented her, those pajamas. And though she's still the naive new girl who knows little and has seen even less, she feels like she's out grown the purple pajamas.

She wears them anyway, because they're warm and safe. Slips out of her room and down the stairs, as quietly as she is able.

Ashley's hard to see in the dark, but this isn't a turning-on-a-light kind of situation, the part of her too big for the pajamas tells her. She stands there like some kind of stalker, just staring at the form of a girl under her mom's crisp blankets, curled quietly on their couch.

Stands there and wishes scary, impossible things. Wishes she were under those blankets with Ashley. Wishes she knew what Ashley's pajamas looked like, felt like against her skin. Spencer bets they're not little girl purple.

She wishes more, things too scary to even contemplate. Like being in Ashley's arms as more than her friend. Like kis – no. No, that's stupid and no.

The little girl says so, anyway. But Spencer doesn't want to be the little girl anymore. She wants to be a girl worthy of Ashley's friendship. She wants to be Ashley's and she wants Ashley to be her's. Just her's, no one else's.

But that's stupid, the scared part of her brain says. It's loud, because fear overrides desire in this case. Maybe it's the pajamas. Maybe the fact that she didn't wear the matching slippers is what makes her touch Ashley's hand.

The effect is instantaneous. Movement, quick and beautiful. Ashley sits up and gropes wildly in the darkness. Spencer finds the light first, happy to be able to show her friend the way.

"Nice PJ's," is the first thing Ashley says. Spencer has half expected her to demand to know why she's down here.

"Thanks." She smiles what she wants to be an Ashley smile, but is pretty sure comes out mostly shy little girl Spencer instead.

"Couldn't sleep?" Ashley runs hands slowly through dark hair.

"No." It comes out all small child, soft and almost ashamed.

"Well I can. I was, in fact." Her voice is annoyed but her eyes are almost gentle, Spencer thinks. Things can be deceiving in the middle of the night.

"Wanna raid the fridge?" Hyper, pretend brave little girl this time.

Ashley rolls her eyes. "I was fine with the sleeping."

"My room's a lot more comfortable."

"Are you prepositioning me, Ms. Carlin?"

Spencer blushes even though she knows Ashley is only teasing. "I just meant you might be better… upstairs…" Her suggestion sounds more and more stupid the further she gets saying it. Ashley doesn't say that though, she just shrugs and gets up. Spencer makes the little girl smile stay hidden.

They sneak upstairs, the little girl and the person her age who's so much more. Spencer closes her door and turns on the lights only long enough to help Ashley set up her blankets on the floor.

"This is more comfortable?" It's a joke, Spencer knows without looking at the smile in her eyes.

"Well um I…"

"It's fine, Spence." She barely registers the nickname, but it sends a shivering kind of thrill threw her all the same.

"I was thinking earlier that we could…" She gestures to her bed stupidly, like the stupid little girl she is.

Ashley hesitates, considering. "Better than this." She drops the blankets and jumps for the bed. Spencer follows.

It's only when the lights are off and she can just feel Ashley's breath on the back of her neck that she realizes she never really looked at her pajamas.

It's when She's finally almost asleep herself that Spencer decides it doesn't matter. 


End file.
